Eli Week 1: The n-Faced Creatures We Are
I’ve recently become aware of the different ways I act around different people. When I went to a summer camp in North Carolina, I met and talked to many new people as I normally would. Then I flew to visit my grandparents with my mom, and it felt like my brain completely recalibrated itself. I was finally able to be “myself” again, becoming more energetic, unfiltered, and probably changing in many more ways I don’t even realize, without worrying about how others perceived me.
Obviously, people act differently in different circumstances. A funeral and a wedding, for instance, or talking with a teacher versus a friend, each demand their own appropriate behaviors. Online articles such as this included similar explanations to my own, too. So, I attributed the differences in my behavior at the summer camp and at home to varying familiarity levels. However, I noticed differences in my language and communication even between people I’m similarly close to. It made me wonder, are these variances different aspects of my personality, or am I simply conforming to what I think would make people like me more?
I might be sarcastic with one person, and like to talk about badminton with another. I concluded that this is probably due to the personality and interests of the person I’m talking to. If my friend loves telling morbid jokes, then I would be comfortable telling morbid jokes too. If my friend enjoys badminton, our conversations would naturally gravitate toward badminton. I realized that interacting with different people can bring out different sides of my personality, even sides I didn’t know myself. Perhaps, rather than conforming, I am merely adapting to the situation and tapping into facets of my personality that already exist.
However, I also notice myself feeling compelled to act in certain ways to please others. In an extroverted friend group, I would try to be more talkative even about topics I’m not really interested in. There would be small but sure shifts in my humor, expressions, language, and mannerisms. At these moments, I can’t help but feel that my actions are closer to conformity than being a part of myself.
But while conformity seems to oppose authenticity, it also seems like a result of self-consciousness. The more self-conscious someone is, the more they might naturally attempt to conform to seem “normal” with others. Then, what does acting like “myself” even mean? The sarcastic me may not be any less authentic than the relaxed me at home. Perhaps I don’t have a “true” or even “main” personality, but the many different ways I present myself all contribute equally to a larger identity.
Regardless of the answer, this thought experiment showed me that everyone has very complex and multifaceted identities. Sometimes, I look around and wonder about all the different sides of ourselves we may present, true to the n-faced creatures we are.
https://medium.com/original-philosophy/why-our-personality-changes-around-different-people-a0866d250666
Hi Eli! I’ve certainly experienced a feeling similar to the one you described– the feeling where you are unsure whether your behavior can be attributed to conforming or just showing another part of your identity. It is never a pleasant feeling, especially those late nights alone, when the only company is myself, although I’m not even sure who that is at times. Often, it feels like I am someone different to everyone, and these labels serve as barriers. Similar to your example about badminton, I find myself naturally gravitating towards talking about volleyball with specific friends. Sometimes, it feels like a wall preventing genuine connection, especially when I wish our relationship transcended the sport and reached the deepest parts of our personality, but such labels seem to never let it get that far. One thing I do is meet with them somewhere unrelated: so not dinner after practice, or the Tacobell one block away from the club building, but maybe hiking Castle Rock on a random Saturday.
ReplyDeleteAnyways, my point is, I have learned to enjoy this fluidity of personality and identity. Especially when I pick up a new phrase or punchline after losing my breath laughing when my friend said it, slowly starting to behave a certain way after spending lots of time with someone I love, or even trying out a new hobby based on recommendation. Although it does confuse me at times which part of my identity comes from me, the parts that come from the people I love also reflect the qualities I like to attribute to myself. Faces are not necessarily negative. Perhaps, when we act one way in front of different people, we are showing different parts of ourselves, and when we choose to conform, we are showing the part that isn’t necessarily “fake”, but the part that desperately wants to fit in. That part should get a face, too. Eli, I found your blog to be extremely insightful, and thoroughly enjoyed your writing. Hopefully as we navigate our way through the alleged “hardest AP in AHS,” we can learn more about the n-faced creatures we are.
Hey Eli! This blog is really interesting to me specifically for a couple of reasons. One is that I can totally connect with the idea of having different conversations and sharing different ideas with different people. Not all of my friends have the same personalities or interests, and it definitely makes sense when you think about the complexities of an individual’s character that way. I think your ability to actually do this well depends on the kind of person you are as well has how many and what kind of people you interact with. For example, people who are naturally a little more introverted will likely not be able to maintain good conversations in general, much less with different people who would receive their behavior in varying degrees. Also, people who often find themselves interacting with groups of people at a time might find it a lot easier to switch between mannerisms when talking to specific people.
ReplyDeleteI vaguely remember learning about this exact concept somewhere; I believe I learned about it in a prior English class. I’m not sure which one but there was a specific term for the phenomena that you describe in your blog– code switching. The direct code switching definition states that it is “the practice of changing your language, dialect, appearance, or behavior to fit into different social, cultural, or professional settings”. How exactly this helps you, I’m not really sure, but it is an interesting fact that I thought I’d share with you while on the tangent.
Reading this also made me think about how people form connections in the first place. If people can have such a wide range of aspects, or “faces”, as you describe, then how come not everybody gets along with each other? Since that is the case, doesn’t that mean that despite the wide range of people that one person might engage with, they still tend to subconsciously gravitate towards a subset of people? If not, how so? What is the science behind this?
Eli, overall, I had a great time reading your writing and, whether on purpose or not, I really enjoyed the provoking thoughts that came out of it. I hope to see more of your work as we explore English together!
Hi Eli! Your style of writing strikes me as very sophisticated and well structured. I think a common occurrence for people, especially youth, is people-pleasing to fit in, even if it is unconscious. I, as well, often find myself navigating through social settings and trying to appeal to those around me by addressing their own interests. It can be hard to feel appreciated or accepted when talking to new people, so it is easy to fall into a trap of changing yourself in order to fit in or be liked. However, I think that channeling certain parts of your personality with different people does not necessarily make one "fake," but shows emotional intelligence. Like your example, I would not crack any morbid jokes to my friend I talk to about badminton. Accepting that we can have multiple "faces" is important because it helps us realize that we are complex characters, and we don't need to share our complexity with everyone. I really enjoyed your sophisticated writing style and your use of metaphors in your final paragraph. I also think the picture you added to your post embodies your topic very well. I really enjoyed reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteHi Eli! I really enjoyed reading your blog because I think the idea of acting differently around different people is something a lot of people can relate to. Your examples about talking about badminton with one person and being more sarcastic with another made your point feel really personal and easy to understand.
ReplyDeleteI especially liked how you used rhetorical questions throughout the blog, like when you asked what acting like “myself” even means. It made me stop and think about whether being different around people actually means we are being fake. I also thought your “n-faced creatures” metaphor at the end was really effective because it tied the whole blog together and gave your main idea a memorable image.
Overall, I thought your blog was really interesting and honestly made me think more about the different sides of my own personality.