Yumeng Week 3: Different Saturday Nights
If somebody asked six-year-old Yumeng, “What was the best thing to ever exist?” I would’ve, without a doubt, replied, “When grandma comes!” Because when grandma came, it usually meant my family would come too—my cousins, aunts and uncle.
Whether from San Diego or Dublin—somehow they’d still make time to come to San Francisco, even if it was only for chūn jié or my grandparent’s birthday. If my entire family didn’t come, my cousin, five years older and somebody I adored so much, would still come along with my grandma for dinner and endure my endless bothering.
Our gatherings were filled with lively conversation and laughter, with my aunts and uncle teasing me about my blabbers, and with me watching my cousins play Brawl Stars while talking in their video game-lingo. Whether our gathering was held in our humble abode or in a rented out karaoke room at our favorite restaurant, it was my second home. Running between my family and the chairs to try to get to my cousins, being able to jabber to anybody about my day, and eating with my loved ones is something I wouldn’t trade the world for.
Awkward.
That’s how a majority of our family gatherings feel now. I can’t remember exactly when, but sometime after the pandemic, everything felt different. What used to be carefree conversations between me and my family members turned into friendly smiles and rigid small talks. Before, I blamed it solely on the large time gap we had away from each other. But now, I can see that it was also my fault.
I grew up and matured into a teenager.
As much as I hate to say it, I don’t feel as comfortable as the little girl who felt no issue striking up a conversation with her aunt, who she hadn’t seen in months; I hesitate and rethink over and over again how I should greet everybody before I head downstairs; I worry if I am being too annoying or needy with my cousins; I make sure I am not being disruptive by sitting in my seat instead of going around the room like I used to. Noticeably, my cousins also matured and they no longer play video games on the dinner table; they try to join the adults in their conversation.
With time came change—change in identities, how we carry ourselves, and the languages we use.
Truthfully, I always dreaded the idea of change, and I always took time to adjust to it. However, over the course of time, I learned that change comes hand in hand with growth. Sure, I might not be the same little girl who was entertaining to watch during family dinners, but I am now a young lady who is considerate of others and respectful with her actions and speech. And, despite my family gatherings being different from before, I know I will be able to navigate through it because I have done it before, and I love my family endlessly.
Hi Yumeng! I love your detailed description of your past memories with your family. Specifically, with your grandma, cousins, aunts, and uncle. Although I cannot relate to your frequent gatherings with your family because due to mine being across the ocean, having that relationship with my relatives was always something I hoped to achieve. Ever since I began going to kindergarten, our frequent meetings turned into yearly ones, and the warm screams of joy turned into awkward Mandarin with an extremely evident accent and everyone pretending to understand me. I guess I never paid attention to the effects time had on our relationships because the awkwardness and quietness seemed ‘normal.’However, your blog was insightful and brought some things to my attention: the effects time has on relationships, and the fluidity of identity as we grow up and mature.
ReplyDeleteI hate to admit it, but the pandemic truly did irreparable damage to many people’s relationships. For me, yearly meetings disappeared, and for you, it likely had a similar effect. However, I loved your reflection on your personal role, because that is a factor that many people (including me) fail to account for. Perhaps ignorance truly is bliss, because I remember having more fun when I didn’t care how loud I was and when I did not care how messy I ate. Nevertheless, I can see your affection for your family, and your confidence in yourself to navigate through it again is heartwarming. You are an incredibly kind and considerate person, and I can see that in the way you talk about your relationships with your family.
Hi Yumeng! I believe this is the first time I’m actually reading your writing, but I must say that I can definitely relate to the way you feel. I like how you create that feeling that makes the reader really reflect on their own past and potential reasons that they might feel the way you do through your detailed description of how interactions with your family changed over time.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I was a kid, I was quite sociable and very talkative. As a result, I would talk to anyone and everyone in social settings, regardless of how annoying they perceived me as. Thus, I relate to the way that you felt then because it was probably the closest I had ever felt to being one big family, like the ones you see on television. It felt natural, which is why the stark contrast feels all the more abrupt.
As you grow, I do acknowledge that people change. I noticed that you described in what ways you changed, and they are quite similar to the ways I have over the years as well. I grew quieter, learned to be more respectful, and didn’t say the first thing that popped into my head anymore— although that was probably for the best.
Ultimately, I agree with your overall message that change is not detrimental to one’s identity, but rather an expression of inevitable growth. I’m really glad that you are comfortable with said change, because I know a lot of people might feel awkward or unnatural when they realize what is happening. Sometimes, however, I feel like the world could do good by referring or reflecting back on that time when we were kids. I think as we grow older, we forget the things that made us unique and curious; this is what I would consider the one drawback of the change you describe. Anyways, I really enjoyed reading your blog and I can tell that you really thought about the way you felt when writing it!
Hey Yumeng! Reading your blog was heartwarming, as always. Your descriptions of family gatherings and the relationships you had with them were really sweet. It’s funny that almost every group of cousins seems to have a story centered around playing Brawl Stars! Unfortunately, I agree with you that the mix of growing up and living through a pandemic has had a negative impact on some relationships — I also find myself more distant with people I could freely talk to before the pandemic. The description of the changes you underwent resonated with me a lot, and I’m sure most of our peers would agree. On a lighter note, I loved the way you ended your post positively and expressed your love towards your family, no matter what changed.
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